Onisofe's Diary

Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Oga Driver Palava!

The squeaking sound of buses and rants of conductors shouting different locations brought me back to life as I was lost in thoughts of why I’m at the bus stop at 5 a.m. It's early Monday morning and as a tradition in Lagos, you have to be up early to beat Monday morning traffic if you have to be at the office in good time.

I was with Niyi and we've just resumed at our place of internship which isn't far from each other. After waiting for 30mins at the bus stop, we finally got a bus heading to Iyana Ipaja. The traffic was already building up slowly and with earplugs in my ears, I enjoyed the sound of Travis Greene 'Made a way'.

On a normal day in Kano, this distance shouldn't be more than 15mins but, hey, this is Lagos *smiles*. We didn't get to Iyana Ipaja till after 35mins. Got a bus heading to Yaba and it took another 20mins for the bus to get filled. *sighs*, Living in Lagos is not for the fainthearted.

The bus left the bus stop heading to Ikeja Along but the traffic ahead was something else. The driver decided to take Dopemu bypass to boycott the traffic and while we just got down the bridge, the shock absorber of the bus disconnected. It was already past 7 a.m.

Disappointed and sad, we all got down and asked the driver for a refund as we've not even gone far from the bus stop but he refused giving us the excuse that he had bought fuel and all that stories. He started making lots of calls and promised to get another vehicle for us. Fam, that was how this driver left us there for about an hour. He returned and decided to give us half the fare after wasting one hour of our time. At that point, I just wanted to disappear to Kano and leave all this Lagos bus drama.

The City of Lagos is filled with dramas. If you've not lived here, you should be glad. I got into the office an hour late and it took all the work on my desk to get the whole morning drama off my mind. I wish one can inspect these vehicles before boarding.

Have you ever been late to work because of Oga driver? Share your experience in the comment session.

I'd bring in more gist of all other crazy and beautiful experiences again. Until then, Stay safe, drink lots of water and mind your business.

Friday, August 23, 2019

5 Slangs every road user in Lagos should know

Onisofe's Diary 5:17 AM 4

When I saw these pictures from @agirlcalled_lara on Instagram, I could relate to them 100%. As a JJC and a road user in the city of Lagos, I have to get acquainted with this slangs to survive in this City 🤣🤣
I learned some the hard way though.

1. Wazo Wazo
This is often pronounced as 'Waso Waso'. I never knew it was Wazobia that was shortened till I ask Ope if 'Waso' was a place because I kept hearing bus conductors say something like 'Iyana ipaja waso waso🤣🤣 ' and she explained that it means 50 naira. Crazy right?

2. One Lucky Chance
You see this scam? I fell for it over and over again. You will hear 'Iyana ipaja one lucky chance, one chance one chance' and you'd be glad that you're the last person and the bus would soon move only to get to the bus and see that you're the first or if you're so lucky, the bus is half-filled. When I'm not in a hurry, I just sit pretty and press my phone. I can't comma die na.

3. Marry
I hate this with so much passion. In worst-case scenarios, you're forced to leave your change with your partner if you're late and there's no hope of getting change. Just a few days ago, I was married with one guy and bobo just stood and wasn't even making efforts to look for change. I was not late so me sef relax dey press phone and the money was with me, lool.
He later got change sha and broke the relationship.😂🤣

4. Owa
Getting 'akwai nan' off my lips and switching to 'Owa' wasn't funny. It took me 1 month to get Owa to sit on my lips perfectly. I actually prefer saying the name of my bust stop than saying Owa till I almost missed my bus stop one day (full gist coming soon). Lool

5. Kada Kada
It's pronounced as 'kadan kadan' but Lagosians say its 'Kada Kada'😂🤣 I'm tired of correcting my friends. For me, when I board a bike and the rider is a Hausa man, I feel at home and strike some conversation with my small Hausa. But I still tell him 'hankali hankali' because this life na one.

What new slangs did your new environment teach you? What old slang couldn't you do away with? How was adjusting in a new place like for you? Tell me in the comment section.

Monday, August 19, 2019

GOT CHEATED AGAIN😭

Onisofe's Diary 3:37 AM 12

"Hausa girl, wake up and start preparing for your interview o, we don't sleep like this in Lagos"

"It's just 8 am na. My interview is for 1 pm. You want me to go there and start waiting?"

"There might be traffic, it might rain, and you can never predict this City. Just get up and get set. Better be too early than late".

Stumbled on this website lara.ng on twitter and it has been a lifesaver ever since. The website gives road trip directions, where you will get a bus or BRT and how much you'd pay for every trip from your house to your destination.

I struggled to get out of bed and get prepared. Peeping outside, I saw that the cloud was pregnant and it was about to rain so I hurried up and left the house.

Getting to Palmgrove bus stop, the rain started heavily and I had to stop at the fuel station at Mama Cass so I don't get drenched before getting to Yaba, my venue for the interview.

"Hello, I love your shoes, they are so classy," said a lady that was standing close to me at the pump station. "Awww. Thank you so much", I replied. "We should go sit inside the eatery, I don't think they will ask us to get anything before we could sit there". I agreed with the lady and we sat inside the eatery.

1 hour later, it was still raining and I was beginning to get worried as time was running fast and it doesn't look like the rain was going to stop anytime soon. I dialed K and he said I should walk over the pedestrian bridge and I'll get a bus heading to Yaba.

In my mind, I was like 'so I have to walk inside this rain?'. I had a thousand and one thoughts in my head but missing this interview or going late wasn't part of it. It was already 12 pm at this time.

I walked over the pedestrian bridge and didn't get a bus so I decided to board a Lagos Taxi. *Don't shout 'AGAIN', please*.😑😑

From lara.ng , a danfo is supposed to get me to Yaba for 100 naira from Palmgrove but your favorite northern JJC paid 1,200 for a trip that isn't up to 25mins. The cabman kept saying "there's traffic, erosion, this and that". Desperate me entered the Taxi and I immediately started crying.

I was drenched from head to toe, lost my self-confidence and preparedness for the interview and here I am being cheated in broad daylight again.

We got to Yaba in a short time and I was shocked that I just paid 1,200 for such a short distance. As if that was not enough, I got a bike from Yaba bus stop to Montgomery road for 300. I cried when I realized that it was a trekkable distance.

After this experience, I swore to never get cheated in this Lagos again. But is that even possible? Find out more in the next episode.

Till then, drink water and mind your business. Stay Bless.

Thursday, August 15, 2019

CHRONICLES OF A NORTHERN JJC IN LAGOS 1

Onisofe's Diary 6:18 AM 24

Welcome to the first episode of my chronicles as a Northerner fresh, in Lagos.

Left Kano by road en route Lagos for an interview on a Monday evening after a long day with a client and Thank God Mercy forced me to eat lunch. It was a long 16-hour trip of about 1,136km. Chatters of 'Oshodi, Oshodi' by bus conductors welcomed me to Lagos. I didn't get to see the most talked-about ‘WELCOME TO LAGOS…shine your eyes’ billboard *sad face*. I've always looked forward to seeing that billboard because of the Shine your eyes part and all the stories I've heard about Lagos being the only State you're welcomed to with Shine your eyes.

While prepping for Lagos, my best friend Itohan, told me, "babe, be careful o. You know all the stories we keep hearing about the city that never sleeps. Be alert always. Especially your phone, you that like pressing phone 24/7".

Getting to Ojota that morning, I was greeted by Lagos morning traffic. I couldn't just wait to get done with my interview and go back to base. My phone rings, K was calling (K is my friend and would be hosting me)

K: Where are you now?

Me: The driver said we're at Ojota. How do I get home?

K: Get a BRT heading to Oshodi, alight at the bus stop. Take a bus heading towards Gbagada. Get down at Charley Boy Bus stop. Call me when you're there.

Me: Can I just take a bike? I can't deal with all this bus here and there.

K: This is Lagos. Bikes don't move on the highway like the north. Except for the registered transport rides like ORide, Gokada and the rest.

Me: Ok then. I'll just use a taxi. I can see a few around here. I'd be calling you at intervals, please keep your phone handy, I don't want to miss my way ejor.

(Ends Call)

Phew 😞 This was the beginning of how cabmen and conductors started cheating me in the City of Lagos.

Fast forward, I got home safely and was asked how I got in without much calls for directions and I explained that I boarded a Taxi. Not Uber or Taxify o, Lagos Taxi. I was supposed to spend N400 to get home from Ojota. Your favorite Northern girl spent N1800 with abeg. I could not just cry and I didn't lay a curse on the cabman o🤣 I only blamed myself for being a JJC in the city of Lagos 😢

(JJC - abbreviated form for Jonny Just Come, this means a new visitor to a place who has absolutely no idea how things are run in that place)

Until next week, I'd bring you more gist about my chronicles in Lagos. Stay blessed.